"Expectations" is a really painful companion : part 1

Hallo everyone!

You missed me?

Me too, Its been a long time when I write my last post. Oh yea, Guys Its a good news!, my master degree is complete now and officially soon be Alnus Meinata, S.Hut, M.Sc in upcoming January!

Ah...

What a journey, for the past two years, it is a really a roller coaster, but now, I am kind of relief I am surrounded with many companion that open my eyes wider. 

Tracing many years back, I was a really competitive person, and mostly I am really love into competitive atmosphere, I love win and lose, win to be proud, and lose to be envy. No debate. Expectation is my long life companion. 

In the past day, I won plentiful of competitions (not be arrogant), since I was 12 yo. My shoulder always succeed to carried my school up into prestigious events. My teacher always did their "harsh" method to forge me up into my limit and I love that. Of course losing was always there, but I didn't cling. 

The same happened when I was in middle school, again, I got all the spotlight, school saw me as winning boy, smart, polite, talkative, and slave(able) and everything. I won many competition, giving probably around 13-15 trophies to my school at that time, and I also the leader of Student Executive Board, want more? I also win Dakwah competition there, in radio. That was my arrogance that I noble myself as the best student in the school. Dont worry, having those trophies, I already got hundreds of losing. I was losing in terms of class rank, but I nailed the spotlight!

Here is some remaining pict: 

I receive millions of rupiahs at that time, and I spent all of that for buying beyblades, a lot of beyblades and candies.

Jumping into high school, I was the lone student that came from another city, right, my dad just moved into new city. I am ranked 9 from 288 student in my highschool in the selection process and I think that was not bad. My first day entering school, spotlight is already there, I was wearing red crimson batik that originated from my middle school, meanwhile other student were wearing a pale, monotonic batik from Jombang. I started my career by being calm, timid, and smart student in my class. So timid, super duper timid, but it was only stays for days, I turned into my original self, watch my clip:

and guess what, I got the spotlight again, by being that weird, talkative, smart guy, and popular, I absorbed tons of expectation both from my parents and my school that I can ace everything. Literally everything. I also won some competition, there even I know that highschool was more competitive than my elementary school and middle school. I was just realized that the wider the the pool was, the bigger the fish will be. I have many spotlight competitors in my school, there are guys who smarter, better, and richer, and have more supportive factor in him/her. That fact give me a big lesson, that I cannot win in certain places. But again the expectation burn me once again and ended up winning some trophies and also hundreds of lose. 

My high schol was green but it turned darker when I was entering college.  part two...